A tribute to my first friend - vale Mel Schilling

My memories of Mel

Part of me feels like a fraud. I hadn’t spoken with Mel for maybe 20 years, though we had exchanged the odd message. I first found out she was sick by reading it on the ABC news back in late 2023. I got in touch, sending her my love. “Thanks so much Richie Rich x”. It seemed that she had recovered. It wasn’t until just over 2 years later that I read a distressing message from Paul, her Dad, on Facebook, and I reached out again. But, no reply. I wanted to see her - but it was too late. She was in a hospital on the other side of the planet, closed off, from all but those closest and dearest to her. On hearing of her death from her sister Beck, the foundations of my life shook. A deep grief overcame me - where was this coming from? Memories of our journey together came flooding back. I pulled out old photo albums, and an old case filled with letters and birthday cards. Later, I went through old emails too. I’d kept everything…

------------------------

Mel and I grew up in Avis Court, Ringwood. It was a new estate in the early 70’s, built on what was once an apple orchard. Mel was 6 months younger than me and lived across the road. The Court was full of young families, and lots of kids. There were no fences out front, and there was little traffic - no so many cars in those days. Us kids took over the place, running from house to house - closing down the Court to play cricket and skate and ride our bikes. Everyone knew everyone. There were Court parties each year, a giant potluck. It was an amazing place to grow up, something I only realised later on. I’ve longed for that sense of community ever since.


Mel and I formed a special bond. We used to go over to each other’s place all the time. We loved Patsy Biscoe and Humphrey B. Bear and I used to bring over Patsy’s record and making her Mum play it for us. We loved making cubbies. We once made a ‘closet rocket ship’ so we could go to the moon. We played ‘doctors and nurses’ under her cast iron bed. We went to Kinder together, just a short walk away, with our neighbour Trishy.

Mel, Richie and Trishy on our first day at Kinder.

By 1976, things got pretty serious between us. I made the wedding ring from a twisty tie and we got married at Trishy’s place, who was our bridesmaid.

This is my favourite photo of us, I was besotted. That’s 50 years ago.

It wasn’t all fun though, we had our challenges. I remember upsetting her when I proudly reeled off my full name to her ‘I’m Richard Douglas Telford’. She was quite upset, because I called her Mel - which was much too short. “Well, my name’s Melanie Jane Schilling Schilling Schilling Schilling Schilling”, which was much longer. Her competitive nature didn’t end there. I remember coming up with my own recipe for a chocolate cake that I called ‘Richard Cake’. We used to make it together every birthday. Of course, not to be outdone, Mel had to come up with ‘Melanie Cake’.

For some reason we initially went to different Primary Schools, until Kalinda PS opened, just over the fence from her place. We started making other friends and opened our eyes to a world beyond Avis Court. Still, we hung out quite a lot. Mel was maturing faster than me and introduce me to the adult world. She discovered that perfume contained alcohol and convinced me that we should drink some. Beth, her Mum, had a dresser with heaps of different types. I think we tried them all, and our favourite was 4711. She found her Dad’s old Playboy stash, and brought around a copy that we looked through together in my cubby. We also used to sneak away for a cigarette, using the code ‘F1’, short for lets go for one fag. She told me that when she grew up she wanted to be a ‘Big M girl’ and be sexy. I called her ‘sexy’ in front of her friends, not knowing what it meant, and felt totally humiliated when everyone laughed at me.

Mel had incredible confidence and was enthusiastic to take centre stage. Sometimes we’d do performances for the Court parties, and Mel would have to be the star. Once we did a Kiss concert, and Mel was Paul Stanley - I was up the back with talcum powder making ‘smoke’ for special effects. She would have to be Sandy in Grease musicals. She asked to record a song with our mutual friend musical Shaun, what did she want to sing? The Aussie rock anthem ‘Cheap Wine’ by Cold Chisel. No fear.

What a clown - no fear

I moved out of the Court when I had just become a teenager, about half an hour away by car. I hated it. About 4 years later our family moved back to nearby Croydon, as we approached the end of our high school years. Mel was popular at her school, and well liked from what I’ve heard. Her and her mate Georgie were the ‘relationship experts’. Between them they would troubleshoot teenage love - it was a full time job. Mel introduced me to her by passing letters between us. We did this for most of our final year - with Mel as the go between. Mel took me out to the local nightclub ‘Area’, where Georgie worked, and I finally got to meet her in person. Not sure if it was her first set-up, but It worked, and we did ‘go out’ for a while.

Mel was always a bit naughty and would have parties at Avis Court while her folks were away - and party we did! Fun times. But Mel was also there for me when life wasn’t so fun. When my parents split up around that time, she would invite me to spend Christmas with her family, and I was warmly welcomed. Mel didn’t give up on her daggy friend and continued introducing me to new things, like Caller ID - “How did you know it was me calling?”, I asked - and coffee, inviting me out to cafés in Brunswick. She would check in on me, asking how I was, all about my relationships - she was always interested and compassionate. But also, she wasn’t afraid of calling a spade a spade. If you got ‘one of those looks’, you knew about it.

Mel with one of her dirty looks after being thrown in the pool.

Mel and me with ‘Richard Cake’.

A night with the Stars - Mel’s 21st, with me and Trish.

When I bought the car of my dreams, a 1975 Kombi van and hit the road for what turned out to be a 5 year adventure, followed by a year travelling around the world, we became penpals. First on paper, and then by email. For years we wrote to each other. Sharing our adventures of hope, despair and romance. One email stands out - from September 2001 (at age 29). I’ve cut some stuff out, but here’s the meat of it:

Hello my travelling soul-mate!!

It was wonderful to hear from you. Whilst I enjoy hearing about your exciting travels, it also saddens me to hear about your 'void'. I do know what you mean, especially the part about wanting to 'settle down' and implement your ideas. We travel around and learn heaps of stuff about the world and ourselves, and then what? What do we do with that? Keep travelling forever and never reap the rewards? Or return to our roots as new people and enjoy our new perspectives?

The greatest thing I learned about myself during my travel was that I must not compromise myself. After closely examining my life and past choices, I realised that allot of what I do is based on what other people want or expect....family, employers, partners. So, I made a deal with Melanie Jane Schilling Schilling Schilling Schilling Schilling Schilling Schilling to reject compromise and start making choices based on what I want! What follows is the fruits of my new insight:

1. I have started my own business. It's called "Extraversion Consulting" and it's all about providing psychological and HR services to the corporate sector. It's a shame you're not here, as I'd love you to design my logo, business cards etc....could you still do it?? … This decision was all about 'not compromising' - I'm sick of working for people I don't respect or organisations whose values conflict with my own. This way, I have ultimate flexibility about my work and clients. It's all about me - not being a slave to the boss!
2. I've stopped 'giving in' to .... As much as I love him, time away from him taught me that 'being' with him is self-destructive at the moment. He can't give me what I need, so taking the 'crumbs' is compromising. Last week, I said 'no' to him for the first time ever. Things are pretty weird between us now, but we'll move through it. ….
3. I'm currently rehearsing for another show and in discussions about choreographing 2 shows early next year. …So, I've made a few hard decisions, but I feel better for it. I feel really strong and the best part is that my close friends are behind me 100%. I feel totally supported by the people who matter to me.

On seeking satisfaction......look within yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but I believe this. I've spent years seeking satisfaction through other people or jobs or whatever....it doesn't work. I believe we have to listen to that little voice inside that tells us what we need. Travelling might be the answer for you, and it may not be. Think about the fundamental things that make you happy. What are your needs (ie: like my need to not compromise myself), what do you need to do in order to be totally true to yourself.

Take care, my friend.

Mels

------------------------

Wise words.... about her career path, her love life and passion for performance. She followed through on all of those things - and more.

Just in case you're wondering, I did help Mel with her logo and business ID, amongst other graphical tasks. And she helped me put together a video application for a 2005 reality TV show called “The Colony” - putting her interviewing skills to work. I didn’t get the gig BTW, but I did go on to move to the country, retrofit my career, build a home, have a family and live my truth - which I’m still doing. It was Mel that went on to the be the reality TV star, and with Married At First Sight - that made me laugh, every time I accidentally watched it (like in a waiting room) and saw her there. If only they knew Mel got married when she was just 4 ... or perhaps she told them in the interview and they hired her on the spot?

The last email I received from Mel was in 2011, when she told me of a new man she found. The first relationship she had in her 30s - and she was approaching 40. That man was Gareth - the love of her life and father of her beloved Maddie.

We drifted apart, on our own journeys. Mel, the super star she always was, becoming famous - just like she said she would. I’m so glad she found a way to achieve her dreams, to tie together her passions - to share her wisdom.

Vale Melanie Jane Schilling Schilling Schilling. 

With love, 

your long lost friend,

Richie Rich

Crowea exalata ‘Grand Star’ - in memory of Mel.

P.S. I planted this Crowea exalata ‘Grand Star’ on Mel's birthday on the 20th of April. It’s a ‘highly popular, compact Australian native’ - and tough. How appropriate. I invite you to plant one in your garden in her memory too.

P.P.S. I received my bowel cancer test kit in the mail the other day, 1 sample done, 1 to come. Lesson learned.